I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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