I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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