In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
