So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
