It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
