How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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