Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
