The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
