If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I can text with my tongue
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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