Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
