All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
