Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
