I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
