you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
