Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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