i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
