you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
