we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
