we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
