I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
