your room smells of hookers.
And success
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
