I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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