He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
