they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
