i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
