goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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