Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
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From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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