i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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