it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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