; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I showed him my bush... on skype.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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