do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
