I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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