Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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