All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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