Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
