I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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