so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
