Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
