i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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