I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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