woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
