I heard we made out
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
