pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
