she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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