between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
