I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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