My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
