so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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