There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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