He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
