My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
