I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
