He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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