..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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