I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
