i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
