he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
