why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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