She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
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I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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