Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
