Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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