I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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