He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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