Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
