I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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