No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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