im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
