So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
