Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
