I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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