you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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