i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
