i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
