kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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