how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
