Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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