i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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