are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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