is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
